I shouldn’t take up space

I don’t come from a quiet family. I’m the youngest of four and before me are my three older brothers…and all their friends. Noise - always noise…whether the wrestling, the loud sound of an electric guitar blasting, someone arguing about something extremely important…it was just loud! 

I contributed to the noise too - as I delved into playing the piano, which led to singing, which led to playing the guitar, and even picking up the viola for a minute. As I look back, I can see there was a loudness about my gifting - I wasn’t shaping up to be an introverted artist who liked to be secluded and quiet for hours. No, I had a loud gift, a gift that would take me on a long journey of wrestling, wondering where and how it could be placed in the church as a woman.

“A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.” 1 Timothy 2:11-14

I can remember vividly the chair I was sitting in when I called up my brother to discuss how to be a Worship Leader as a woman: “Doesn’t it mean I’m technically teaching men? Is that biblical? Why would God give me this gift and talent and then say that women are to be quiet? Is this allowed?” These verses from the Bible, the Word of God that gave me so much life, these verses really tripped me up!

I’m not here to give a theology lesson on 1 Timothy - it’s there for you to discover and explore it’s many interpretations. I share this verse just to share a little bit of my story and the struggle that lies there.

What I have learned is that God doesn’t make mistakes. God made me with loud gifts and a loud personality and he did that for a reason. Do you think he did that just to make me figure out how to shrink them and tuck them away? I don’t. I don’t think that’s what God’s love looks like.

I’ve learned to accept myself the way I am, that takes practice. I have moments of wishing I was a different way and it’s taken practice to continually accept me for all of me.

I’ve learned to take up some space - God made the world really big! There’s room for everyone here. Someone in your circle is going to benefit from you embracing who you are, don’t hide that from them. Go be you today, take up some space, embrace the way God made you, listen to that little voice inside and make a difference.